Post 11: how to use Bernoff's advice

 Ask someone you trust. You are putting your work in the hands of another to judge. That requires trust.

Describe what you want. Say “I am concerned about structure,” or “I think it is too long,” or “I was trying to be provocative, but I may have overdone it.” This allows your critic to concentrate on particular issues you are concerned about.

Be confident. Confident people ask for feedback because they know they can do better. They know they will learn from the feedback. But they also know what they are good at.

Understand the difference between “this is flawed” and “you are flawed.” Once you have created the work, the work is not you, and you are not the work. You and the person giving the critique are working to make the work better, together. This is how you can accept criticism without feeling hurt. It’s not an easy habit to develop, but developing it is essential.

Don’t accept emotional critiques. Critics shouldn’t be mean, but they sometimes are. Distill the useful feedback and reject the rest.

Don’t lose control of your work. The job of the person giving the critique is to tell you how it can be better. But it is your job to decide what to do about that feedback. Just because somebody has a suggestion doesn’t mean you need to take it.

> Writing my essays I was always scared to receive flashback on my essay. I wasn't mentally prepared for negative comments. Coming to college made me realize it's ok to get feedback because in the future it can be helpful tip to make your paper ten times better.